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It’s hard being a Dad. Kids grow up and become their own person. Kids move out and you try to give them their space and allow them to find themselves. You hope they make the right decisions, knowing the decisions you yourself made at that age.
You, as the parent, have the gift of hindsight and life experience. Often your young adults don’t believe you were once their age too. They don’t see that you’ve been there and done that. Sounds like about the same way I responded to my own parents in my teen years. I see their pain and struggles now, and I have apologized to them for missing the obvious, but again, hindsight is a gift.
No matter the decade, it’s uncanny how much the teen years mirror each other. Many of the experiences my teens are going through, I remember very clearly. Doesn’t matter if it’s the 1980’s or the 2010’s. What I’ve always hoped for from my kids is open communication. I’ve probably been overly open with them regarding my life, again hoping that they would reciprocate that openness. For awhile there, I thought it was going good. After a bumpy start to my teens moving in after their mothers passing, things smoothed out and it seemed all was as well as could be expected. Then my daughter moved out to attend college. My heart break started.
For some unknown reason, communication with my daughter broke down. She made a couple of startling decisions and dropped out of college and ended up back in her old neighborhood. Back with her friends. Since then I feel like I’ve become the stranger in her life. She’s cancelled at the last minute on a family vacation. She didn’t follow through on promises to her little brothers. She became a stranger to her 4 year old brother that adored her, but now when he sees a picture of her, asks who it is. What do I tell him? That’s the sister you loved so much that hasn’t bothered to travel a couple of hours to see you? She’s changed her telephone number and I don’t have it. I’ve sent her messages on Facebook, and received dead air back. She left her 17 year old brother here when she went to visit family for Christmas.
I’m at the end of my hope.
Anger isn’t the answer, it will only drive her away. I’ve only got love left. Love and hope. I will always love her, she’s my daughter, my oldest. I can only hope her eyes are opened soon and she comes back soon. I miss her so much.
“A state of happiness and satisfaction.”
My wife and I don’t like change. I know that’s true for a lot of people, but usually it’s one partner or the other, not both. Put it this way, I threw a fit for about two weeks when my wife made some changes to our room to better accommodate our very young son, because it interfered with my morning bathroom routine. Yeah, I did that.
So, when our lives have continued to throw change after change at us, my wife and I decided enough is enough. We know what changes are coming, yes we need to start planning and making adjustments for them. There’s not much wh can do to stop them, and we really can’t anyway, it’s going to happen. It’s more a when than an if.
What can we do, as a couple to help offset these pending life changes? We are choosing contentment. We’re choosing to be happy with what we have and not worry about what we don’t. Why? Because we’re happy with what we have. We have a good home, I have a good job, we have great kids, we have a great family, we have food on the table, and health on our side. Sure, there are many other gadgets and toys out there, but why do we “need” them? What is the cost, other than dollars, do we really pay for them? This was a lesson we learned from our 4 year old. A sweet boy that will pick up a toy at the store, play with it a bit, carry it around, and then happily put it back when you tell him it’s time to move on.
If a 4 year old can do that without throwing a tantrum, why can’t I at 44? Life lesson learned son, life lesson learned.
My wife and I have a three year plan ahead of us. That’s about the time frame that those really big changes are coming. We’re a single income family, my wife stays home with the little guys and manages the house like a pro. We’ve made the conscious decision to set a budget and keep it. We’re willing to sacrifice those little expenditures we use to allow, for the bigger upcoming goal. Even little things like taking the kids to McDonald’s will be accounted for. No more cheating or bending the budget. If we really want to obtain our goal, we have to be willing to be happy with what we have now.
Now, don’t get me wrong. We’re not getting rid of fun and having a few outings every now and then. Those are factored into the budget for sure. I’ve learned that from dieting, it only builds resentment and you end up binge eating. What it does build is an appreciation for those moments. It builds longer lasting memories as a family. And, hopefully a better appreciation for what you already have and a desire to give back to others that are truly in need.
With all that said, you have my permission to keep me in line. If at any time you hear or read me complaining about wanting or needing something, reach out and smack me. Like my son, I can put that toy back on the shelf and move on.
Love to all and here’s to a wonderful 2017 now that the Holiday Haze is clearing up.
Every morning, when we wake up, we face a new bridge to cross. Despite how “normal” everything appears we have no way of knowing what will happen throughout the day. We get stuck in ruts and are under the illusion that every day is the same. We wake up, we go to work, we come home, we go to bed. And repeat.
We fail to see the unique beauty of each and every single day and what it has to offer. We put our blinders on and trudge through our days as mindless zombies.
What if we changed things up a little? What if we made a conscious effort to see each day as a bridge we have to choose to cross?
When we stand at the beginning of the day/bridge and look out, we never know what will be waiting for us at the end of said bridge. And even the part of the bridge we can see, could change in an instant. What I’m asking you to do is be aware of each step when we walk across. Be alive to each moment as it arrives. How many beautiful moments have we each allowed to rush past us because we were looking down at our feet?
Way too many for me.
I have a fear of water, not swimming pools, but bodies of water. Every time I come to a bridge that crosses these bodies of water I tense up, grip the steering wheel, and look at the front of the car. I totally try to block out the fact that I am over water on a structure that could collapse at any point, plunging me into the water and its uncertainty.
The truth be told, that same fate could happen on any bridge I cross, or any path I walk. Why am I so afraid of matters I can’t control? Time to open my eyes, step onto the bridge, and stop and look around a little, there’s beauty and life all around me.
It seems I’ve missed something very important in my life of 44 years. Today I heard a message at church, and that message was the intentional act of creating or stirring up gratitude within our hearts.
Now, why was that such an impactful sermon for me? Well, not to get into too much nitty gritty detail, I’ve basically been struggling with trying to find a direction for my life. And, the message today really struck a cord within me.
I’ve never, really, been truly grateful for anything in my life.
That’s hard for me to admit, and it’s the truth. I’ve lived under this umbrella that I should get what I want and always try to get more. Here’s the problem with this method of living, I’ve very rarely been happy. Instead of really appreciating what I have, I’ve always expected more and thus quickly became bored with my life.
Today, that message hit home and I broke out in tears in the car after church. I’ve taken for granted everyone and everything around me. My wife, my kids, my family, my job, my friends, and the list goes on and on. When I opened my eyes I realized I have so much to be grateful for that I was overwhelmed.
What a gift I have simply in being alive. What a gift that I have to have four wonderful kids and a wife that puts up with me and my moods. What a gift that I have that I actually have a job I enjoy doing. What a gift that I have in a warm house and food on the table. What a gift to be a part of a church family that I feel loved in. I’ve just expected those things to be instead of being thankful for their being.
So, today I start a new chapter because today could be too late to say thank you. The past is over and beyond our control. The future is wide open. All I can control is this very second that I am alive and breathing, nothing else matters.
Tonight I am thankful for life and living, they are two separate things after all. I’m thankful that my son is listening to Christmas music in the living room. I’m thankful I have a job to go into tomorrow morning, if it comes. I’m thankful for my wife who’s combating a 14 month old that doesn’t want to go to sleep. I’m thankful for my 4 year old who curled up beside me and fell asleep. Shoot, I’m even thankful for the cat that just jumped up on the chair beside me. For these things, and many more, I give my heartfelt thank you. So many people have touched my life and I took those moments for granted, no longer. Life has thrown me it’s fair share of challenges, and yet here I stand. The road will have many bumps and twists along that way, I’m ready for it.
Why? Because I have hope in my heart, love to give, and a thank you.
My mind has been a whirl lately. The world seems to be turning itself upside down and inside out. Has it always been this way? Has my age and life experience finally opened my eyes to the craziness around me?
Or, is my current journey waking me up to the two true realities?
We, as humans, tend to think that the world is more messed up now than it ever has been, and maybe it is. I personally don’t think so. I think the physical world has been a mess since the beginning of time. Technology has just made the mess more current to our eyes and ears.
Fifty years ago we didn’t have the internet. It took days for news and information to get to us. Now, it’s instant. A earthquake happens in Japan and we hear about it within seconds. We’re more exposed now to information than we ever have been. Our sources of information are no longer filtered through a few channels. Now, you can follow anybody on Twitter from anywhere in the world and find out exactly what’s happening, when it happens.
You can even see what they had for dinner.
With this access to instant information comes a new responsibility. A responsibility to see that the world is suffering. It always has, but the ability to hide from it has disappeared. You can’t have information at your fingertips and not acknowledge that people are in need everywhere. I used to be the person that said “forget them, let them figure it out. They got themselves into their own mess, they can clean it up.”
I can’t say that anymore, because I don’t believe it anymore.
I’m not a religious scholar. With that said, I have studied other religions from around the world. Probably just enough to get me in trouble…What I’ve seen from my limited exposure, and I truly believe this, is that at all religions have it right. When we dig back far enough you can’t help but see commonality between all religions. There are pieces of truth in all of them. What’s happened is we’ve started to fight and bicker over such stupid little differences that we’ve fractured our world.
My idea of the truth is that when you dig deep enough, we all come to the same starting point. The true reality is that we are all brothers and sisters on this planet. We are all one and we’ve let our sibling rivalry tear us apart. We’ve closed our eyes and our minds and have lost sight of what is truly surrounding us. Love.
We need love back in this world. We need open eyes willing to see and share this love.
We can no longer hide in the caves. We wanted technology, and people here it is. It doesn’t matter if that child is homeless in Iraq or in your neighborhood, that child is still in need. It doesn’t matter anymore. You can’t have instant access to information and pick and choose what you want to hear and see anymore. You can’t change the channel and tune them out.
It’s there. It’s what you asked for. For this luxury, there is a price to pay. I’ve admitted that I have been this person described above for years. I can’t honestly sit here and say I can’t see it anymore or blame anybody for their problems because in one way or another, I allowed it to happen to them. I am to blame just as every other person on this planet is to blame.
I have a long way to go in my journey. My eyes are slowly being opened to the truth around me and it’s beautiful. And it’s scary. I’m seeing things I’ve run from for years. I’m struggling with my mind because my heart demands a change. It hurts and I’m scared. I fear I will fail. I’m having a hard time understanding the full context of what is before me and it seems overwhelming.
I have to keep going. I know I do. I have to start with me and I have to start with my family. I may never fully finish my journey, but, if I can help somebody else start theirs, then it continues, it grows and grows and grows. Years or decades may pass, as long as it grows then I’ve done what’s been asked of me.
We are all one. One in the God we believe in and one with each other.
“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.” ~Napoleon Hill
My Thoughts:
How many times in my life have I said “I’ll wait until things get better or settle down,” in my life? How many times did I wait and things never did get “just right?”
The honest answer to myself is many, and hardly ever.
Life has a way of getting in its own way sometimes. Plans always changing, situations constantly evolving, goals shifting. Lets face it, life is going to do what it wants, when it wants, regardless if you are ready or not. No good can come from hindsight in these scenarios and situations. Once the moment has passed, it’s too late to go back.
The opportunity to do something will never be better than right here, right now.
To highlight this, I got an email this morning asking me to join a men’s life group with a few fellows from church. My initial reaction was not right now. I have too much going on with family and work, the timing isn’t right. Or, is this exactly what I need right now? Is this the opportunity for me to keep my sanity and learn from others around me?
Maybe, because right now isn’t the best time, it really means it is? Maybe I just need to say yes and go for it. Will things really change that much tomorrow to make it any easier to do today?
“Keep your face to the sunshine and you never see the shadow.” ~Helen Keller
My Thoughts:
2016 has been a year of trying to keep my face toward the sunshine and not peeking back over my shoulder to see the shadow. It started with Little Tiger, who was 3 at the time, needing minor but necessary surgery. He’s fine and healthier than ever. Along came my oldest, 18, who said she’s dropping out of school and moving a couple of hours away, oh and by the way, I’m getting engaged. Then it was me looking at the possibility of leaving my job, which I love the company I work for but was getting very tired with my position. A new position came along, I just had to wait several months for it to start. Longest 4 months of my life. My wife and I making decisions and trying to lay down a foundation for a future new home purchase and all the financial stresses that come along. The second teenager, just turned 17, buying a car and getting his second level license, I cried the first time he drove away without me sitting in the passenger seat. My youngest, just turning 1 needing minor but necessary surgery. Thankfully also doing very well and happy. Deciding to take a break from church because we were feeling disconnected and lost. Thankfully we have a pastor that is a little unique and willing to allow us some space while at the same time helping us reconnect. A close family member asking a single question that has turned future plans upside down, a situation I had half expected, but a tough life decision all the same.
It’s been hard to keep the sun on my face this year, and there’s still 3 months left in the year. Don’t get me wrong, not everything has been bad, for the most part it’s been a really good year. There has definitely been more sun than clouds. It’s just that those clouds have been dark and ominous and sometimes it’s been hard to see the sun hiding on the other side of them. My shadow seems to be in front of me as well as behind.
In years past I would have hidden in my own shadow. I would have let the darkness pull me down and I’d wallow in my misery, somehow thinking I deserved it.
Today a lot of that has changed. A realization came over me a couple of years ago that I had people and a family that relied on me. My actions had a direct impact on their lives, not just my own. I better understand my initial reactions and I’ve worked extremely hard to get past them and into a space where I could analyze what was going on and make a better informed decision. No more knee jerks, lol. It helps that I am married to a woman I trust 100% and trusts me just the same. We have our differences but we always find a way past them.
Trust helps keep those shadows behind me now. Trust in those that love me, and most important of all, trust in myself. Now, when I look up at the storm clouds above, I don’t fear the lightening and the thunder. I keep my face up knowing that the sun will always be there and the storm will never last forever.
“Don’t count the days, make the days count.” ~Muhammad Ali
When you think about it, why do we count the days? We are obsessed with knowting how many days are left until…or how many days have passed since…Why!?! We’re here for a limited number of days, we never know which may be our last, so what’s the use in keeping track?
Since we have no idea when we’ll leave this grand planet, why shouldn’t we focus more of our attention on making every day count? For me, that focus is my family. Having two teenagers and two kids under four, it’s way too easy to get wrapped up in myself and distracted by everything going on. Don’t get me wrong, time to yourself is extremely important, especially for you sanity around this house. That’s why I go to the gym and ride my bike so very early in the morning. Trust me, I’d much rather be sleeping. Most importantly, I can’t let the frustrations of my day interfere with my family time. They will only be in the nest for a short time and I need to make those days count the most.
“If you can’t outplay them, outwork them.” ~Ben Hogan
My Thoughts:
In life you will always come across people that may have more talent in a certain area than yourself.
Don’t let that be a discouragement!! Let it be a motivator!! Don’t sulk and think that person is better than you. Remember, you may have skills they wish they had.
A person that “outplays” you will often relax and let down their guard leaving the door open for you to showcase your work. Often the person that shows the drive to better themselves will triumph and all that effort and work will pay off.
On the flip side, don’t be the one to relax. Always find ways to better yourself, sharpen your skills and develop a new you. Also, don’t be afraid to reach out and help someone else develop themselves. People will see that quality in you and appreciate your time and energy. It’s not wasted when it’s truly and freely given.
“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” ~Gandhi
My Thoughts:
Nobody else is going to change just for you. Only you alone can change your little corner of the world. By your thoughts, that lead to actions, you make the subtle changes needed. Sooner, rather than later, you’ll start to feel and see the changes in others as well.
A ripple effect will ensue!
As you touch others by your momentum the change will eventually be felt in growing concentric circles. If it’s good you will find fruit, if it’s negative you will find only weeds.
I for one want the fruit.
My mind controls my emotions and reactions. Even very subtle facial expressions speak volumes to others and can have a negative impact. My focus needs to be on controlling my anger impulse. I often react first and apologize second. This leads me around in circles beating myself up over knee jerk situations. Listen, evaluate, consider, weigh, express, love.
clousemichael 